This is my website there is absolutely nothing of value here it’s just something you do isn’t it you buy up your name as a domain as some form of vanity and you put your photo there really big – the best photo, the only photo you can stand to look at, the literally one of maybe five pictures of you taken in your lifetime that you can bear to see – and you explain who you are as if anyone, stumbling here, might not know that you are Joel Golby, VICE journalist, Guardian contributor and author, and that your book Brilliant, Brilliant, Brilliant Brilliant Brilliant, a modern masterpiece I think we'll all agree, came out in February 2K19 (U.K.) and March 2K19 (U.S.), (non-Amazon UK link is here if you want it) (Amazon are evil but you really can't fuck with the convenience of Prime can you). It really would be quite weird if you came to this website without already knowing who I am, wouldn't it. I mean what sort of deranged manner are you surfing the internet in if that has happened. Really. What on earth are you up to. 

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At this point I am supposed to cheerfully say the following: if you are interested in getting in touch, please ‘e-mail me’!

 

Listen: you can e-mail me, if you must, but I have to tell you there is like a 40% (at best) chance I will respond to anything you send me. Ask my friends, contacting me is never as fun as you think. If it is about work: great! I love work. If it is like, just to talk: OK? I guess? Maybe? If you are— OK, say you are a PR and you have a music act, and they have a music video out? I am not the right person to e-mail about that. You should not e-mail me about that. If you are anyone else at all: please just think very hard about that 40% chance I will just plain not answer!!!!!!! Absolutely do not e-mail me at all unless you have bought the book, hardcover, and pre-ordered the February 2020 release of the softcover!!!!!!!!!

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FAQ

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Q.: But I work in TV, Joel! Should I e-mail you? TV! A very exciting industry, as I'm sure you will agree! TV! It means 'television'

A.: No.

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Q.: Bu— but it's. But I work in TV!

A.: If you absolutely must you can e-mail my agent, Zoe Ross, but if you just want to 'meet me for breakfast' and 'pick my brains' then I'm going to scream until blood comes out of both my mouth and then also your mouth

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That is the end of the FAQ. A small purple box will now appear below with my e-mail address inside of it.

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